The Healing Effect....

“How many times have you felt let down by your own dear (??) friends?”

For all, whenever I pose this to myself, I would not want to count for the fear of being termed an accountant. I am sure, it would have happened in everyone’s life. May be the intensity would vary.

It is not like one fine day, you open up your eyes to visualize that the same people whom you cared for you are not there. But, it’s like this slow poison, where they tend to go away, farther away in due course of time. When you try to pull back things, it reverberates as a spring, going back to where it stood. After few days, we don’t even try to make a conscious effort, for we may feel that the individual wants it to be this way. More so, when you are amidst a devil named “ego”.

You tend to delete the contact from your cell phone, only to realize that when you get a call from the number, the tone setting was not changed. Feeling so kiddish about your own act!! One word/phrase SMS become more like rains in Sahara. Chain-mails, long mail threads become scarce. In a rush of blood, you remove the tags associated with mail id. And forget to remove the mail-filtering rule :-)

When you reread the mails written to them, feeling a sense of uneasiness over your own words. And tend to find solace by fighting over it. At the end, rightfully able to convince that whatever written was true to its core, for the same self had written them. The power of ego trying to fight over the pristine ageless bonding.

During all these confusion (had written ‘paranoia’ previously that’s a heavy term does not suit here, rightfully changed it), you relish the good times. The lovely moments you spent with them. For me always uttered, "Missing an individual is relishing the lovely moments spent with them" .You try not to let that go of your self. They give you the required ammunition to fight against all the negative thoughts that resonates within your mind. Moreso relationships are not about the people involved, many unknown vital factors play very crucial part.

You wait for that rendezvous to happen. The realignment of changed tracks, the fixing of lost joints, adhesive to mince lost words. What they call the Fevicol jod :D

When it really happens, you hear casual words like “lets not drool over past, for it’s gone, lets enjoy the lost moments now”. You accept it for you fear losing on something really precious. Time becomes precious for either of them. The same hours which felt as seconds months ago are now defined in terms of minutes. Plethora of questions taking shelter in labyrinth of mind catalysed by infinite multidimensional thoughts!!

Some wanting for a reply, some finding more solace in thoughts than on lips. You 'forget' whatever shady days that passed off. For a moment, presuming grey is not always black. You just want things to get back to where it was. But the wounds created during the course of time takes time to heal. May be it never heals! But still you have band-aids applied on it (saddistic sense of humour... huhhhh)

Things tend towards being normal. But still you miss that aura. That true eternal bliss !!! People say, golden days (or words) are not repeated. Atleast we can hope, kya pataa !!! Sometimes even uncertainity acts as a anti-depressant.

Unknowingly, I may also belong to the category of them. May be due to professional or personal or other things. That’s no excuse at all. And I don’t want to apologize too. For it may be too less for whatever trauma an individual undergoes. Let me know, for I may not have the power to Ctl-Alt-Del the pain, but I shall surely act as a healer :-)

pakku